Resolutions

I love goals and check lists and fresh starts. My roommate in college used to tease me by stealing my planner and writing random things on my to-do list because I was slightly obsessive about checking everything on my list.  I'm that kind of girl.

But this year, I'm not feeling up to a big list of shiny new goals. I'm tired. Last semester-- did I mention it was my final, last, ultimate semester of coursework for my PhD?--- was a doozy. I don't know how else to explain it.  It wore me out. It wore my whole family out, I think. 

This semester they asked me to teach a research and statistics class to the master's students. I'm too tired. A professor I really admire asked me to be her research assistant for a really interesting study she is conducting. I'm too tired. Of course I didn't say that I was just too tired. I couched my answer in needing to balance my time between studying for my comprehensive exams and still focusing enough time on my young family. True enough. But the real truth is I'm just plain tired! I'm afraid that once I get any motivation back, all the great opportunities are going to have already passed me by. But sometimes, you just have to take a break.

I want to set goals.  I really do. I want 2012 to be a year of fresh starts and measured improvements.

• I want to set a resolution to try new recipes and delve deeper into vegetarian meals.
• I want to set a resolution to start running and complete a half marathon with my sporty little sister.
• I want to set a resolution to follow a disciplined schedule for the family so piano practicing, bed making, and healthy eating become ingrained habits for my kids. 
• I want to set a resolution to prepare clever and entertaining family home evening lessons, activities, and treats on a weekly basis.

But I'm tired.  Keeping the house {relatively} orderly, cooking {sometimes healthy} meals, keeping everyone in {mostly} clean clothes, and teaching {sometimes just showing up} for our Primary teaching gig seems like a big enough mountain to climb this year. Oh, and passing comprehensive exams and starting a dissertation. 

So, while I do want--theoretically--to set those worthy resolutions, I'm not going to. It's not what I really, really want. Instead:

I want to travel to St. Louis to my parents' house and sit by the fire while my children play in the never tiresome playroom. I want to sit and admire Abigail's method of walking around the house on her knees and cheer with her when she stands by herself.

I want to travel to see friends that I haven't seen in too long. I want to meet their babies that have already grown into children. I want to laugh late into the night and eat at all our favorite old spots. I want to visit friends in new places that I haven't been yet so they can show me all their new favorite spots.

I want to visit the sites in Washington, D.C. that have eluded me in my years here. I want to go to lunch with my husband just because I want to see him in the middle of the day.

I want to rest so that next year I'm not quite so tired; maybe then I can tackle that list of resolutions.

How about you? Tell me what you really, really want!

Abigail at the Outer Banks, January 1, 2011